Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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