It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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