Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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