All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
