I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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