the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
