do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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