Who wears a wallet chain?!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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