She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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