I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Did I show you my penis last night?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
