I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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