This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you win again, gameday.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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