Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
