You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
