It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
