I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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