remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the day after is always just damage control
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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