You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
