I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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