i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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