Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
