It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
