he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
