I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
