you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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