I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
