So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
