Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
