Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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