Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
