Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
