Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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