I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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