Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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