high people should be assigned attendants
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
