oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
