you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Congratulations! We have a period
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
