Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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