Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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