I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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