so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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