Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
