her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
