porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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