I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
