her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
