Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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