Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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