We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
