**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
