ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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