her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
