it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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