At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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