Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
