Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
