She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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