Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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