apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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