so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Couch. On fire.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks