Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.