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I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
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