I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
