Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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