No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
