how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
