Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
