He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
