May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
